American Horror Story: Hotel Season Premiere Review: The Four Seasons of Dying

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http://l3.yimg.com/bt/api/res/1.2/4wVb3o.IKf_NvtyPUMtcAg--/YXBwaWQ9eW5ld3NfbGVnbztmaT1maWxsO2g9ODY7cT03NTt3PT EzMA--/http://media.zenfs.com/en-US/homerun/cbstv.cbs.com/3da7067d5d4da8d7d66da6d0972c55bc (http://news.yahoo.com/american-horror-story-hotel-lets-151000169.html)American Horror Story: Hotel S05E01: "Checking In" So last night's excellent American Horror Story: Hotel season premiere ended with Wes Bentley's detective character basically acting out the lyrics to "Hotel California." The first episode "Checking In" had him returning to the seductive and popular Room 64 to, quoting six-string sage Den Henley, "find the passage back to the place" he was before. That "place" being less of an actual location and more a state of mind. Whoa. Why, it was in these very halls Detective Lowe caught a glimpse of his dear kidnapped son Holden. Who wouldn't want to book a stay? Like so many doomed residents of the Hotel Cortez—the ornate downtown Los Angeles establishment set to play host to Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk's yearly master class in sensual horror, deadpan witticisms, and romantic tragedy, Detective Lowe risks falling prey to the lures of this cursed hotel. Whether '90s junkie, creepy toe head, glamorous drag queen, outright sex monster, or blood-eating orgy maven, the amenities offered up by the Hotel Cortez are simply... TO DIE FOR! If you haven't noticed, American Horror Story is great at first episodes. One benefit of a standalone anthology is how much novelty there is in learning the rules of a new world season after season. Apart from drinking in the magnificence of the building's architecture, the episode itself was always plotty enough, while taking time to revel along the way via swoopy crane shots, lines like Kathy Bates calling foreigners "dumb Swedish meatballs," and a sequence set to "She Wants Revenge" that started with this... ...and ended with this: These guys know what they're doing! Let's have a closer look though, shall we? On top of a detective-versus-serial-killer plot line, the check-in process of some gorgeous aloof tourists organically introduced us to the various peculiarities we might expect from Hotel Cortez. At first even they were like, "No way, uh uh, this seems wrong," but the desk clerk Iris kind of bullied them into staying. Things weren't so bad, a drag queen named Liz Taylor doing maintenance in the halls was certainly no cause for alarm... Denis O'Hare rules! But so yeah, basically the two Swedes were immediately assaulted by dark forces and locked up in a neon art dungeon. This thread, and others throughout the hour, teased just enough character backstory concerning Bates' strict desk clerk Iris and her connection to the likes of insatiable group-sex fiends Donovan (Matt "God's Own Walking Dimple" Bomer) and the Countess (Lady "Lady Gaga" Gaga!), as well as Hypodermic Sally (Sarah "Best Character Name" Paulson). Apparently there was some beef between Hypodermic Sally and Iris, and their argument alluded to how the Countess likes her prisoners to be cleansed with oysters and champagne for some malevolent purpose. Also a monster f*cked Max Greenfield with a spike, but that's to be expected. Yes my dearies, this hotel was Creepsville central, but I can't give too much credit to Murphy and company in the originality department I'm afraid, because it looks like for the most part they just ripped off wholesale the credits sequence for Gordon Ramsay's show Hotel Hell. See for yourself: The similarities are hard to ignore: I know AHS is all about homages, but shame on Fox for allowing such blatant plagiarism to occur under its own nose. If Murphy and his band of scarymakers aren't careful, the next two seasons will be American Horror Story: Courthouse and American Horror Story: Prison . They at least owe Gordon Ramsay a "created by" credit. Next: Glue as lube is a bad decision (Continued from Page 1) But on to more pleasant subjects like Detective Lowe's cat-and-mouse game with a deadly maniac who stalked the shadows of this very season. See, some rude dude was going around pulling stunts like super-gluing dicks inside dead impaled sex partners, while also removing the face organs of living victims. Honestly, the most disturbing thing for me here was that everyone knows eyeballs don't go in the ash tray, they belong in a glass snifter. It was pretty heartwarming how much Detective Lowe prioritized his family, but in a world this dangerous this lone act of decency already made me see him as an innocent lamb headed for a dark slaughter. Like, if anyone's soul is going to be the subject of a morality play, it'll be this decent man's: He got to chat with the very serial killer responsible for all this, and as he would find out the serial killer totally had that same serial killer voice that all serial killers have. All measured words, kind of slowed down sounding with proper diction. If what you're reading here describes the way you speak, know that you very well could be a serial killer. While the good detective was hunting down clues, this one wandered in, and reinforced the idea that something was up with Room 64. Max Greenfield was pretty great in his brief screen time—equal parts shady and comedic. If heroin usage can be comedic. The serial killer cited Room 64 (!), so Lowe went down to investigate. Instead he caught a glimpse of his son Holden who was one of the creepy kids running around the hotel. Slowly we learned that Lowe had a dark past where he lost his own kid. Maybe he's not a great dad, because after receiving another call from the serial killer on his wife's cell phone (played by Chloe Sevigny), Lowe brought his only living child to the scene of a crime... In pursuit, Lowe saw a man who looked like he was in a garish suit and a top hat... Meanwhile, we met our new favorite pair of murder swingers who were busy pre-gaming it before date night. Then it was off to score some hot couples strange at a public cemetery screening of Nosferatu : The Countess and Donovan picked up a couple that was all giggly and basically had no idea that they were headed straight for sex-magic. Things were going fantastic and everyone was getting their rocks off until The Countess and Donovan turned the tables. The sex-magic tables. Next: Matt Bomer's bottom (that's click bait if I ever saw it) (Continued from Page 2) But just who were these lovers? Like any smart TV show, we were provided few answers—through vague flashbacks—other than how Donovan was once an innocent druggie lured into death by Hypodermic Sally, before she herself was shoved out a window. So THAT was the source of Iris' beef. I'm always a fan of knowing less than knowing more, so I can wait patiently to see just what the logic is behind someone's death and their eternal connection to the Hotel Cortez. But wait, just when you thought the episode was out of twists and turns, Cheyenne Jackson rolled in as the new owner of the Hotel Cortez. The locals were already worrying about whether or not they were going to get kicked to the curb or what. Hmm, kind of like a Muppets movie, will the ghouls of Cortez be able to rescue their home from gentrifying forces of Big Fashion? And what of Matt Bomer's ass? So, as the sun rose on another day at the Hotel Cortez, all the mysteries and motivations had been set into place (until each and everyone is summarily dashed apart by AHS 's signature brand of break-neck storytelling). Would this be the case that destroys Lowe? Just what is the Countess' end game? And why were kids playing big-screen Gameboy when PS4 exists? With an expert touch, "Checking In" functioned much like a boogie-man tale, if the boogie man was a giant hotel full of lesser boogie men who all have the same boogie goal. Or there's just a gas leak in the building. What I'm saying is I like this show very much. SOME QUESTIONS: – Who is your favorite character? – What expectations do you have for each of these characters? – In what ways do you expect your expectations to be subverted? – What did you think of "Checking In"?



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